Film: Dracula 3000
Director: Darrell Roodt
Writer: Ivan Milborrow and Darrell Roodt
Starring: Casper Van Dien, Erika Eleniak and Coolio
This film takes place in the year 3000. We get the background from the star, Casper Van Dien. He plays the captain of a salvage ship and he is Abraham Van Helsing. His second in command is played by Erika Eleniak. They have a rich girl who is still in navigating school; she is played by Alexandra Kamp-Groeneveld. They have a couple geniuses on their ship as well. One is played by Coolio, but he has smoked himself stupid and all he can think about is getting high. The other is played by Grant Swanby and he is wheelchair bound. The final team member is their muscle, played by Tommy ‘Tiny’ Lister. Their ship is named Mother III and it has come upon an abandoned ship that is much larger than them.
Edited in between Dien’s crew, we get the former captain of this large ship; he is played by Udo Kier. We learn through the film that something bad has happened and his crew is all dead. He has a crucifix and there is a self-destruct countdown happening. It stops before it should go off and Kier is upset.
Dien sends out Kamp-Groeneveld to check the ship for any life. While she is searching, she sees something and then starts to run. She runs into Lister who is tough on her. Lister tells Dien and Swanby that the air in the ship is breathable. The rest of the crew boards the new ship.
They search out the bridge and Swanby sets-up getting the ship turned on and diverting the power. Their goal is to bring the ship to Earth for the salvage. Eleniak shows that she is about doing everything by the book. Kamp-Groeneveld doesn’t like the smell on the ship and thinks that they should call it in and then wait to make sure it is safe. Coolio goes off searching the ship.
He stumbles upon a dead body. He calls in Dien, Lister, and Eleniak. Coolio wants to check the man for drugs to smoke, Lister and Eleniak are curious about the metal pluses. Dien has to tell them that they are crucifixes. We learn that in the future, they have been banned and none of them know many people who follow the religion. Eleniak even asks Dien who God is.
Coolio continues to search with Lister. They end up finding a room full of coffins. Coolio believes that there maybe drugs hidden in them. Lister thinks he’s crazy. Coolio finds a crowbar and tries to open one. The problem is that he cuts his hand. He has Lister open the next and Coolio accidently drops blood into the sand that is inside. Lister leaves him to continue his search.
From one of the coffins emerges Langley Kirkwood. He attacks Coolio. He yells and the crew minus Swanby comes to check on him. They find him out cold with his leg broken. He is taken to a room where Eleniak resets it. Coolio wakes up soon after, as a vampire. He attacks the crew, but ends up fleeing.
We learn that Kirkwood’s name is Orlock or better known as Dracula. He is from a vampire planet named Transylvania in the Carpathian system. Dien learns a little bit from the watching Kier’s video log, but Eleniak gets more of it from Kirkwood. He goes to attack her, but doesn’t bite her.
Eleniak is then tied up by Lister and Dien. They question her, but she doesn’t tell them why he didn’t bite her. She does tell them about his planet and why he is on this ship. Dien doesn’t trust her and thinks she has been bit elsewhere.
Will they stop the ship from reaching Earth? Will they be able to stop Kirkwood before everyone becomes his victim? Can they find out how to stop vampires? They are not affected by bullets, so they need to find another way. Is there anything they can do being in complete darkness of space?
I have to say that the best part of this film was that they updated the traditional Dracula story to the future. I liked that Dien was Abraham Van Helsing, using Kamp-Groeneveld as Mina as well as the navigator. I also like that Swanby was Arthur Holmwood. It was kind of funny that the planet was named Transylvania and the system being Carpathian. I also really liked the idea of vampires in space, as it would be a scary concept to be in where sunlight is not a weapon and wood is not readily available.
There was a lot wrong with this film. The acting was bad across the board. Dien was flat, Eleniak looked okay, but not as good as the film made it out to be. Coolio was highly annoying in always wanting drugs, Kamp-Groeneveld and Lister were both annoying as well. Kirkwood had such a minor role as well. He doesn’t show up until over halfway through and has roughly 10 minutes of screen time. There weren’t enough of the vampires, the story was boring and for being the year 3000, they are using a lot of the same technology that is used today. I would think this far in the future, Coolio would be using more updated things to get high and the weapons are not using normal bullets anymore. This film also fails to build suspense or be anything more than laughable. The ending was horrible as well.
I would not recommend this film to anyone. The acting is bad, the story is horrible and there is really no scariness to this film. The concept is the only thing good and the film definitely wasted it. I think that this film had potential to be really good and does nothing to live up to it. Really the only redeeming factor is Kier, but he doesn’t have enough screen time to make a real difference. One of the worst films I have ever seen and the worst Dracula version as well.
My Rating: 1 out of 10